Tag: Channing Tatum Film Festival

Three sentence movie reviews: Don Jon

Important porn warning:  this movie is about porn and addiction, which I knew and was ready for, but I didn’t imagine that there would be so much porn imagery in the film itself.*  I liked that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was so tightly wound that he was hard to watch–kind of the guy version of the pretty girl making herself ugly to get the Oscar nomination.  I thought the addition issue was captured quite well and overall, this was a good solid film, and I heartily approved of the ending.

Cost:  free (early birthday present)
Where watched:  Living Room Theater with S. North.

*”I’m having porn flashbacks!” my movie-going companion texted me later.

The CT picture spread in VF

My Channing Tatum peccadillo is such that I not only bought this issue on the newsstand (actually from the supermarket) but TWO people gave me a copy.  I enjoyed the article, but the photo spread was my favorite part.  And not because it featured Mr. CT, (who I do not find that appealing in static 2-D, he only works for me in moving 2-D, a.k.a. movies) but because it was hilarious.

The cover isn’t too bad, it’s the captions inside that slay me.
 

Here we go.  The captions will be big and bold.  My commentary will be normal sized.
Tatum shares soup with a puppy.
This is actually a cute picture, one of his better static 2-D images. He, unlike many men of his era, can carry off a hat.  And I know he likes dogs.  But really?  Who thinks of these things?  “Get me a puppy!  And some soup!”
 
The former male dancer shows off his body.
Ugh.  The sweats!  Has Vanity Fair decided to become the new Seventeen?
 
A vintage Mustang.
Um. Okay?  But why?
 
A portrait of the young man as an artist.
Again, why?  Are these things planned ahead of time?  First, we will do the puppy/soup picture, then put you in sweats.  After that!  Step into this sweater and these velour pants and look arty.
 
Back in the saddle.
The other problem is that CT has a pretty limited male model look. (Paging Zoolander!) Above, we saw it face on, here he’s looking to the side.
 
Animal Magnetism
This is the requisite scrotum photo.  Though I actually like this one because he is squint-y smiling.
 

A view from the ranch.
What ranch?  Where does this ranch come in? It is not mentioned in the article.  And why waste a picture on a forgettable “ranch” view when you could be showing your public more CT?
 
Tatum in the riding ring.
Here we get his model look from the other side.  And learn that the shirt above, in the black and white photo, is blue.  And the “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha” part of me needs to point out that he’s not actually IN the riding ring, but standing right outside.
 
Puppies!
Yes, that is really the caption.  With the exclamation point.  Again, is this Vanity Fair or Seventeen?
 

Shot by Bruce Weber in 2001.
“Oh my god, is that his pubic hair?” Matt said, as I was walking him through the photo spread.  Hmmm.  It is.  And I hadn’t really noticed, either.  This picture was taken four years before he would appear in Coach Carter and five years before A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, when an astute reviewer would comment that “the camera doesn’t just love him, it wants to marry him, settle down and have his babies.” Yep-per.
 
A vintage boat.
Dammit!  We don’t care about the damn vintage boat.
 
Preparing to Launch
I sort of get this one, as the gist of the article is that Channing Tatum is big, but Channing Tatum himself seems to think he could be even bigger.  And I guess he’s willing to step into an astronaut suit for a cheesy photo shoot.

I mean really Vanity Fair?  This was the best you could do?

Three sentence movie reviews: White House Down

I go into Channing Tatum movies with no expectation because sometimes he is very good and sometimes he gets all clenchy-jaw-declaiming-lines type acting.*  I’m happy to report that this falls into the very good category not just for CT’s acting, but for a very well-plotted action movie.  It was incredibly fun to see how the story kept the characters in the White House the entire time, plus the rest of the cast was quite fun too.**

Cost:  $7.00
Where watched:  Living Room Theaters (which seemed odd, they are very art house/foreign/independent.)

*He’s been much better, of late, but Side Effects was a return to his bad acting of yore.
**Maggie Gyllenhaal was a complete bonus, Herc from Friday Night Lights was one of the terrorists, I love that computer guy whenever I see him and Richard Jenkins is always a welcome sight.

Three sentence movie reviews: GI Joe Retaliation

I went to see this because it’s the newest Channing Tatum flick and if Mr. CT is in a movie, go I must.  I do not wish to do any plot spoiling here, but let me tell you that there is a reason he’s kind of small on the movie poster, and that reason was rather disappointing to me.  However, I rallied, and instead focused my keen critic eye on the actress who played Tyra on Friday Night Lights.

Cost: $4.00 (now the only way to see a movie for less than $4.00 is to go to the Kennedy School where they charge $3.00 and where I usually end up ordering wine so the cost isn’t $3.00 at all.)
Where watched:  Jubitz Cinema.  It was me and a room full of truckers who, to my delight, had their usual pre-movie conversation where they don’t know each other, stare straight ahead, never making eye contact and they talk about all matter of things.

Three sentence movie reviews: The Vow

This is my favorite Channing Tatum movie, as well as a very good movie in general and here is why.  I like that no one is the hero, no one is the villain,  no one person in the relationship is more right than the other person.  It’s probably the most true portrayal of a relationship I’ve seen on screen.

Care to quibble?  Use the comment section.

The poster, however, is hideous.

Poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2012/vow.html

Three sentence movie reviews: Side Effects

This movie was chock full of great acting by Rooney Mara and Jude Law* and a twisty, turn-y plot that I advise you to do your best not to discover any part of before you enter the theater.  Immediately after the movie I wasn’t quite sure how I felt due to the many plot twists, but after lively discussion with the movie-going companion of the day, I decided I liked it.  I don’t really want to think that Mr. Soderbergh will

really

 stop making movies, but if so, this was a good one to end with.

Where watched:  Regal City Center Stadium 12

Cost:  Free, thanks to the generous folks at Pike Schemes.

poster from: http://www.impawards.com/2013/side_effects_ver2.html

*sadly, Mr. Tatum’s performance was awful due to massive amounts of jaw-clenching (he’s regressed, just when he was doing so well) and declaim-off-of-cue-cards-type acting.  Catherine Zeta-Jones was also painful to watch.  That said, this was still a good movie.

Three sentence movie reviews: Magic Mike

If your friends are visiting from out of town and your aren’t sure what to do, perhaps this movie will fit the bill.  It was my fourth outing (since the end of July) with Mr. Magic Mike and I can say I still found the movie full of its enjoyable self, dark sad strippers notwithstanding.  If you’ve seen it, already you will know when to watch your friends’ reaction when the penis pump appears in the left-hand corner of the screen.

poster from:  http://www.impawards.com/2012/magic_mike_ver8.html

(I’m starting to run out of posters)

Three sentence movie reviews: Son of No One

I’ve discovered that one thing Channing Tatum can’t do is grow decent facial hair as the mustache he wore through this movie was just incredibly ridiculous and I’m not sure why it was even necessary.  This movie is full of good acting, but alas, the plot is awful and that nullifies anything the actors might do.  And while I am usually annoyed when female characters are not developed, to the detriment of the movie (Ahem,

Crazy Heart

) I get absolutely incensed when the female characters are whisked on and off the screen once and then to neatly tie up the plot at the end, as happened with this movie.

poster from: 

http://www.impawards.com/2011/son_of_no_one.html

Three sentence movie reviews: Magic Mike

This passed the vital “still good on the third viewing?” test with flying colors and Matt liked it too.  So now there are two more reasons why this movie is better than you think it is.* Sadly, the DVD is pretty much devoid of extras.**

poster from: 

http://www.impawards.com/2012/magic_mike_ver4.html

*See

previous

reviews

that will tell you it’s not the movie you think it is, either.

**I was hoping for a director’s commentary. And more dancing, as I heard each character did two individual dances for the film. But no.  Just a 6 minute feature. LAME!

Three sentence movie reviews: A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints.

I’ve

seen this before

, so this time was ready for the rather feral nature of the youth in question.  However, this  time I was watching it for the Channing Tatum perspective* and it was quite enjoyable.  He does feral and angry quite well, which is interesting because he is not very much of either of those things in any other movie.

Cost:  free from library

Where watched:  at home

poster from: 

http://www.impawards.com/2006/guide_to_recognizing_your_saints.html

*My favorite excerpt of a review on Rotten Tomatoes: “The real star is Channing Tatum as the alpha-chimp leader of Dito’s pack. The camera doesn’t just love him, it wants to marry him, settle down, and have his babies.”  So true, Stuart McGurk of thelondonpaper, so true.