Just in case you don’t want to out-click, I’ll transcribe for you:
Thank you for being an angry and reluctant subscriber to The Oregonian. We are sending you this sneaky postcard with many words to tell you that your subscription includes the newspapers published on Thanksgiving and Christmas. These two newspapers are piled high with advertisements and have practically no news content to them. We know that you, along with many other subscribers, grabs the three inch pile of ads and immediately transfers it to the recycling bin so you can get to the actual content of the paper which is, of course, news–not that we’re doing much of that anymore. And remember a few sentences ago when we said that the extra newspapers are included in your home delivery subscription. What we really mean is that we are actually going to charge you extra, three dollars (that’s two dollars above the regular newsstand price) for the Thanksgiving Edition and one dollar (which is more than you pay for your weekday paper) for the Christmas one. So be aware that your bill may come sooner than usual because of this. If you’ve read this far and comprehended that we are completely screwing you over, please call our Customer Service Department where you can wait on hold for long periods of time before someone attempts to assist you.
Have a joyful Holiday Season, sucker.
(We hope you will stop subscribing so we can claim circulation declines and forgo publishing altogether because we now pay our reporters based on how many “likes” and “pins” they get, not on their actual competence as a reporter. I mean really. The “free press” is so twentieth century.)
Your “friends” at the Oregonian.
