Why I don’t watch the Olympics

Things I like about the Olympics:
Weird sports get their every-four-year moment in the sun.
It’s really cool, all those athletes coming together to compete.
I read somewhere that there is a lot of sex happening in the Olympic Village, given that there are a lot of people in peak physical condition who, once their events are over, spend time hooking up with other people in peak physical condition.  I find this fact delightful, and the reward an excellent payoff for all that boring training.

Things I absolutely cannot stand about the Olympics:

• News organizations’ weird need to package every single athlete into a “top story line”
• The annoying fixation on how many medals the US is going to win.
• The “horrible anguish” the announcers launch into when someone who was thought to win gold “only” wins a silver medal.  They won a medal at the Olympics!  That’s a very cool thing, man.
• The asinine commentary in general.
• The fact that the events I want to watch are surrounded by 42,000 commercials, idiotic commentary, “heartwarming” stories, and events I could care less about.

Sadly, the things I cannot stand about the Olympics outweigh the things I like about them.  So I will not be watching the Olympics this year, but I send well wishes to all, especially that woman from Bulgaria who isn’t even going to place in the finals, but is going to have a lot of sex with a lot of different guys.  Well done, lady!